I am Veeru and I am a grateful member of our wonderful fellowship – Alcoholics Anonymous.
I have shifted base to Pune from Mumbai since March 2014 and am located in the outskirts of Pune where groups are very far & few and as a result of the same and work commitments, am unable to make meetings regularly and hence I decided to share with you all my present experience.
I have been through some of the toughest challenges in my recovery process and with the help of our wonderful fellowship and program have survived the onslaught of the lashes that recovery offers as a package deal…. And I wish to share with you my journey of overcoming Loss and Loneliness During my Spiritual Awakening Process.
Loss and Loneliness During a Spiritual Awakening Process.
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
As we embark and progress on the journey of recovery whilst following and practicing the program, loss and loneliness are common during this our spiritual awakening process for us alcoholics – well it surely was for me when I lost my family recently (to separation & now an inevitable divorce) and that too during my sobriety (and actively practicing the steps) of 6+ years.
Having said that, at the some point in time I began to awaken to who I really am, beyond the physical, beyond the conditioning and programming, and beyond the many games I play as a human being on this ever evolving planet.
After a few days of meetings after I first came to the fellowship, I chose to keep coming back here (AA), knowing I would lose myself in the density of unconscious of the program, knowing I would play and struggle with limitation and control, and also knowing that the challenges, suffering and insights I experience would support me to awaken from this illusion of separation (thanks to all the members & my sponsors – service, program, spiritual & others – I did awaken).
As my consciousness rapidly evolved with the help of the 12 Steps of the program, the more I awakened, and quickly and Ironically (Paradoxically – actually) this triggered an array of ascension symptoms, including feelings of loss and loneliness. Of all the symptoms, I found these to be hardest at times. No matter how many well meaning, loving and supportive people you have around you, the lonely blues still set in. It is here that I realized that I am undergoing a metamorphosis of my very being – my existence itself and that, had it not been for my practice of the program and the active involvement in structured service of AA – as a delegate, I surely would have disintegrated spiritually.
It is in the program, I discovered (the hard way – I might add) that loss is triggered because we are letting go of everything we are not – roles that no longer suit us, relationships we have outgrown or released attachment to, and false beliefs that have limited us. Even the old hurts and wounds can feel sad to release as they somehow provided a sense of safety by hanging on to them.
As I progressed through a release process I felt alone until I fully connected to my true self (thanks to an effective and complete 4th step process), my authentic being, and my oneness with God, creator, consciousness, or whatever you call the Source of all life. Of course I am already, and have always been ever since I entered the program, a part of this Oneness, but my perception of duality in these bodies created an illusion of separation. Hence why I tried to fill myself with people, projects, and material objects.
I was made to realize with the help of my sponsors & the fellowship that I am going through a spiritual awakening process, and that now was the time to put my focus on who I truly am, above and beyond the feelings of loss and loneliness. While it was important to acknowledge and accept these feelings for them to release, having a slightly bigger focus on my higher truth prevented me from losing myself in the density of lower vibrations.
My program & spiritual sponsors made the following suggestions to help me through this process:
Know it is a natural process. Spiritual awakening is as natural as childbirth (and unfortunately, as painful at times). Reminding yourself of this will help your mind and body to relax and trust the process. You’re not dying (except to what no longer serves you), and you’re not alone – the entire community of members in the worldwide fellowship of AA is testimony to that. You are one with everything in existence and that it is necessary for me to build a strong foundation to my recovery process via taking the first three steps 100%.
Connect to your true self. As you progress on the steps pray and meditate (Step 11: Sought through prayer & meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out), Spend time during the day to tune into who you are beyond your mind and body, but within. You are a magnificent, powerful spiritual being who is here to awaken and enjoy what it feels like to be expansive, limitless and free in a physical body. Feel into your true essence and let it soothe any feelings of loss and loneliness.
Merge with your HP/God/Source. You are one with the Source of all life; you are a unique expression of God. Feel the love flowing through your heart, feel your true innocence, and feel your connection to the earth, the stars, and all of creation. From this space, there is no such thing as aloneness.
Connect with a spiritual friend. When someone who operates from their higher self gives us a hello, we feel it down to our core. It reminds us of whom we are and that we are not alone. Call a spiritual friend or healer to share, have conversation and be reminded that you are so much more than your physical body and thinking mind. (our concept of Sponsor & sharing was driven home effectively).
This experience made my heart to be so open that it embraced my whole body and mind with the reassurance of love (by my fellow members AND friends from “outside”) that today in spite of the program and the process of awakening – at times when I confront the imbroglio of what has happened, I no longer feel beleaguered with a sense of loss & loneliness and I move on & KEEP WALKING . . . .