A feeling we are very likely to entertain is one of resentment that love and loyalty could not cure our partners of alcoholism. We do not like the thought that the contents of a book or the work of another alcoholic has accomplished in a few weeks that for which we struggled for years. At such moments we forget that alcoholism is an illness over which we could not possibly have had any power.
Your partner will be the first to say it was your devotion and care which brought him/her to the point where s/he could have a spiritual experience. Without you s/he would have gone to pieces long ago. When resentful thoughts come, try to pause and count your blessings. After all, your family is reunited, alcohol is no longer a problem and you and your partner are working together toward an undreamed-of future.
Still another difficulty is that you may become jealous of the attention s/he bestows on other people, especially alcoholics. You have been starving for his/her companionship, yet s/he spends long hours helping others and their families. The fact is that s/he should work with other people to maintain his/her own sobriety. You should join in his/her efforts as much as you possibly can.
Perhaps your partner will make a fair start on the new basis, but just as things are going beautifully s/he dismays you by coming home drunk. If you are satisfied s/he really wants to get over drinking, you need not be alarmed. Though it is infinitely better that s/he have no relapse at all, as has been true with many, it is by no means a bad thing in some cases. Your partner will see at once that s/he must redouble his spiritual activities if he expects to survive.
We realise that we have been giving you much direction and advice. We may seem to lecture. If that is so we are sorry, for we ourselves don’t always care for people who lecture us. But what we have related is based upon experience, some of it painful. We had to learn these things the hard way. That is why we are anxious that you understand, and that you avoid these unnecessary difficulties.
So to you out there who may soon be with us, we say “Good luck and God bless you!”
Reprinted from the Big Book, Alcoholics Anonymous, page #119-121, with permission of AA World Services, Inc.
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DNA Newspaper Mumbai Edition Published Date: Oct 16, 2012